


The Girl With The Haunted Eyes

by SparklingDarkAngel



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Clexa, F/F, no one dies and people are actually happy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2018-05-31 07:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 11,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6461893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparklingDarkAngel/pseuds/SparklingDarkAngel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clexa college AU. Clarke is a happy, free-spirited student at Arkadia University, and her roommate Lexa is a shy, troubled girl with a dark past. Together, they navigate through college life, grow closer, and fall in love, all while surrounded by many friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The New Roommate

"You ready for this?" Fox asked as she threw her arm over Clarke's shoulder. "Another year of college, plus a new roomie."

"Ready," Clarke responded with a smile, placing her own arm over Fox's shoulder. "It's going to be a good semester. No more Algebra, and no more of Echo's manipulative crap!"

The two friends burst into laughter as they walked down the halls of Arkadia University. It was a quiet day since many students had not yet arrived. The first day of classes was in a few days, and more students would fill the halls, but for now, Clarke let herself enjoy the quiet. 

"But what if you're new roommate is even worse?" Fox asked, grinning mischievously. 

"Worse than Echo?" Clarke asked in shock. "Not possible."

Echo had been everything Clarke had feared in a roommate. At first, the other girl was grumpy and complained about nearly everything Clarke did. Although it had driven her to tears a few times, Clarke always tried to be kind and patient with her. Then, Echo started dating one of her friends, Bellamy, and she turned sweet for about a week. Then, the passive-aggression and the manipulation started. Fed up with the lies, Bellamy broke up with her at the end of the semester, and Echo decided to transfer closer to home. 

"Well, here's my dorm," Fox announced. "Gina's already here. Wanna say hi?"

"Yeah," Clarke agreed as Fox opened the door. 

The brunette threw her suitcase on the floor and ran to hug Gina. "I missed you!" she exclaimed. 

"We saw each other all summer," Gina replied with a laugh as she returned the hug. "Hey, Clarke."

"Hey, Gi," Clarke greeted. 

"Have you met your new roommate yet?" Gina asked. 

"Not yet," Clarke replied while nodding towards the heavy duffel bag hanging from her shoulder and the suitcase in her hand. "Fox and I only just arrived. I'm on my way up to my dorm now."

Gina nodded in response. "Well, good luck. I'm sure she'll be lovely."

"That's what you said last year," Clarke groaned. "And then I got stuck with Echo."

"Yeah. That was bad," Gina agreed with a wince. 

"Well, I'll see you two later," Clarke said. "I really need to get rid of this bag."

"All right," Gina chuckled at the same time Fox replied, "I'll text you!"

Clarke waved goodbye and began to walk down the hall alone. Her dorm was only a few doors down, and it didn't take her long to reach the door. To her surprise, it was already unlocked. Nervously, she entered. 

A brown-haired woman was sitting at the window with her back turned to Clarke. As the blonde entered, the other student jumped up in surprise. "Hey," Clarke greeted her awkwardly. 

"Hey," the other student replied softly. 

Clarke threw her stuff down on the floor and sat at the edge of her bed. The other student had piled her stuff on Echo's old bed. It seemed that she had only just arrived herself. 

"You must be my new roomie," Clarke said, standing. "I'm Clarke Griffin." She extended her hand. 

Slowly, the brunette stepped forward and shook it. "Lexa Heda," she replied. "Nice to meet you."

"Same," Clarke responded. "I already like you better than my last roommate."

Lexa smiled uneasily. Her haunted green eyes fell to the floor as she messed with her leather jacket awkwardly. 

"Is this your first year here?" Clarke asked, hoping to get her distant roommate to open up. 

"Here, yes," Lexa answered. "I'm transferring from Polis University."

"Why's that?" Clarke asked. 

"I needed a fresh start," Lexa admitted. 

Clarke nodded. "Alright. Well, do you have any friends here?"

Lexa shook her head sadly. Her eyes darkened slightly. 

"Well, you can hang out with me and my squad," Clarke offered. "They're a bunch of weirdos, but you learn to love them."

Lexa smiled softly. "Thanks."

A knocking sounded at the door, and Clarke jumped up to answer it. On the other side was her childhood best friend, Wells, and his roommate, Finn. "Wells! Finn!" she exclaimed. "Come in!"

The two boys entered eagerly. "Am I still going to be doing your Biology homework, Clarke?" Wells asked as he leaned against the wall. 

"Hey, I help you with Anatomy!" Clarke exclaimed indignantly. 

"Who's this?" Finn asked curiously, motioning towards Lexa. 

Clarke stood by her roommate and put her arm over her shoulder, not missing the other student's flinch. "This is Lexa Heda, my new roomie. Lexa, this is Wells Jaha, my best friend since Kindergarten, and this jerk is Finn Collins."

"Hey!" Finn exclaimed. "You know you love me."

Clarke smirked. "Sure. Is Raven here yet, Spacewalker?"

"No, she's coming up with Octavia," Finn explained. "We're gonna catch a movie though when they get here. Lincoln will be there too."

"Aww, a double date?" Clarke gushed. "You are too cute."

Finn rolled his eyes and smirked. "Anyways, Lexa, what's your major?"

"Political Science," she answered. 

"Awesome," Finn responded with a nod. "I'm a Biology major, and Wells here is an Ecology major."

"So anytime you need help with your science homework, just ask one of us," Wells offered. "Unless it's anatomy. Then you ask Clarke."

Clarke smiled. "My mother's a nurse. I learned a few things."

"Are you a science major too?" Lexa asked curiously. 

"Nah, I'm an Art major," Clarke responded. After a few seconds of silence, Clarke added, "Thank you for not asking me how I plan to make money."

"You'll make it work," Lexa assured her. 

Clarke smiled up in appreciation at her roommate. "That's what I keep telling these nerds," she said. 

"Hey Wells, Lincoln and Nyko just arrived. We should go see them," Finn said. 

Wells nodded. "Alright. We'll see you later, Clarke."

"Bye," Clarke responded. "Tell them hi for me."

Finn and Wells left, leaving Clarke and Lexa alone again. The blonde moved towards her bed and began to unpack. She pulled her red sheets from her bag first and struggled to fit them over the mattress. After a few tries, a second pair of hands grabbed the corner and tucked it under the mattress. 

"Thanks," Clarke said in appreciation. 

"Need anymore help?" Lexa offered. 

"How about we help each other," Clarke replied. She pulled out her pillow and stuffed it into the red pillowcase, while Lexa grabbed Clarke's white fleece blanket. 

"You did not like your last roommate?" Lexa questioned as she helped Clarke set her bed comfortably. 

"No, she was a nightmare," Clarke explained. She pulled out her white pillow with a bear's face stitched onto it. "She even made fun of my bear pillow," Clarke added with a pout. 

Lexa chuckled slightly. "It's cute though."

"You bet," Clarke agreed. She kicked the duffel bag under her bed. "I'll unpack the rest later. Let me help you with your bed now."

Together, the two students spread Lexa's black sheets across the bed, as well as her tan faux fur blanket and grey raccoon pillow. "We were meant to be roommates!" Clarke explained as she set the soft pillow down. 

"I hope so," Lexa smiled. 

More things got unpacked, and the dorm began to look more comfy. A vanilla candle from Lexa was set on the desk, and her dreamcatcher hung over her bed. Clarke's black, fuzzy rug was spread out over the floor, and her posters covered the wall. 

"You are way better than my last roommate," Clarke commented once they were done. "How about some dinner?"


	2. Clarke's Friends

As Lexa followed her new roommate into the cafeteria, her stomach was tight with nervousness. So far, Arkadia had been the fresh start she was looking for, but there was still a chance that she could mess things up. Clarke was kind, just like Lexa had hoped, but deep down, she feared it was only a matter of time before that changed. 

"So what are you feeling?" Clarke asked, snapping Lexa out of her thoughts. 

"What?" Lexa asked. 

"For food. What kind do you want? We've got a wide variety here."

"Oh," Lexa responded awkwardly. "I'll just take whatever you have."

"Okay," Clarke answered cheerfully as she pushed the door open. 

The cafeteria was a huge room filled with large, rectangular tables spread about with a buffet in the back behind a counter. Students were milling about and eating, but it wasn't crowded. Lexa assumed it would be more so once the semester started. Her nose was overwhelmed by the smell of food, but once she got used to it, it wasn't so bad. 

"Do you smell that?" Clarke asked excitedly. "They have pizza!"

Lexa chuckled softly as her new roommate darted towards the back. She followed after, her stomach rumbling. She grabbed a plate and placed two slices of cheese pizza on it, copying Clarke. "They have amazing queso here," the blonde informed her as she piled corn chips onto both their plates. "You need to try it."

Lexa laughed. "Alright," she agreed. 

Clarke smiled happily as she handed her a cup and poured the queso in. After getting some for herself, she led Lexa to the salad bar. Lexa piled salad onto a separate plate, then followed Clarke to the cashier. 

After paying, Clarke navigated her way towards a table in the corner. Three boys and two girls were already sitting down. Clarke sat next to a tanned boy with dark hair, and Lexa sat on the other side of her. 

"Bellamy!" Clarke exclaimed. "You've gotten so tan!"

Bellamy chuckled. "Yeah. It's those Filipino genes I guess."

"This is my new roommate, Lexa," Clarke announced, motioning to her. Lexa smiled and waved awkwardly. 

"Hey, Lexa," Bellamy greeted with a happy smile. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise," she replied. 

"This is John," Bellamy said, motioning to the brown-haired boy sitting next to him, who had food stuffed into his mouth. "Across from him is Nyko. Hey Nyko, you know No-Shave-November isn't for a few months, right?"

Nyko just grinned and stroked his beard. "Hi, Lexa."

"And that's Harper and Zoe," Bellamy finished, motioning towards the two girls across from her. 

"I'm Zoe," said the girl with plaiter braids. "Harper's this one."

"Nice to meet you," Lexa replied. 

"Oh, there's Monty," Harper announced. 

A young Asian boy sat next to Lexa. "Monty Green," he introduced himself. "You must be Clarke's roommate."

"Yes," Lexa answered. 

"This is Jasper," he said, pointing to the boy sitting next to him. 

"Hey Bell, did your sister already take off?" Clarke asked. 

"Yeah, they all went to see some action movie," he responded. 

"Octavia and Raven share a bathroom with us," Clarke explained to Lexa. "So we'll be seeing a lot more of them later."

Surrounded by Clarke's friends, Lexa felt herself growing more anxious. She nibbled at her pizza, but she didn't have much of an appetite. She listened quietly as Clarke jabbered on, trying her best not to stare. Clarke was really quite pretty- dangerously so. In her head, she could still remember Ontari snarling "lesbian freak" and "stupid dyke" into her face. Ever since the incident between Lexa and Ontari's step-mother, the other girl had done her best to make her life hell; not that Lexa could blame her. 

"There's Nathan and Bryan," Clarke observed. 

"More friends of yours?" Lexa asked, looking where she was pointing. When she found them, her eyes grew wide. She coughed quickly, trying to cover her surprise. Across the room, the two boys were holding hands without fear of judgement; not that anyone in the room was paying any attention. "They're a cute couple," Lexa said. 

"I know, right?" Harper exclaimed. "I remember it took me months before I was finally able to set them up."

"They still owe you for that," Jasper commented. 

Feeling a little more at ease, Lexa took larger bites until her pizza was gone. Noticing her empty plate, Clarke asked, "Do you want to go back?"

Lexa nodded gratefully. Clarke turned to her friends and announced. "Lexa and I are heading back now. We'll see you in the morning."

The two girls walked away, followed by choruses of goodbyes. "That wasn't too overwhelming, was it?" Clarke asked as soon as they were outside. 

"Not at all," Lexa replied. "Your friends seem nice."

"They are," Clarke said. "I just want you to feel comfortable."

Lexa smiled at her new roommate. "I do. Thank you."

XXX

Late that night, Lexa climbed out of the shower and wrapped herself in a soft, white towel. Drops of water fell from her hair and dripped onto the tile as she opened the door to the shower and walked into the main bathroom. Another girl with brown hair was standing at the mirror, wiping eyeshadow away with a cotton pad. 

"You must be the new girl," she said, smiling. "I'm Octavia Blake."

"L-lexa Heda," Lexa stuttered awkwardly. "I just- uh- left my clothes out here."

"No worries," Octavia replied. "I'll be out of your way in a second. Why don't you come to our dorm once you're dressed? Clarke's already there."

Lexa agreed, and Octavia tossed the cotton pad into the trash and left. Quickly, Lexa got dressed into a plain black tank and grey sweatpants and threw her hair up into a messy bun. Her heart began to beat faster at the idea of going into the other girl's dorm. It had been a long time since she had tried making friends, and she wasn't sure if she remembered how. Still, she pushed back her nerves and opened the door with shaky hands. 

Clarke and Ovtavia were sitting on the bed on the opposite side of the room, laughing together. When she saw Lexa, Clarke's eyes lit up. "Lexa! Glad you could join us," she said. 

"You can sit here, if you want."

Lexa turned to see who had spoken. On the bed closest to her sat a dark-haired girl with a knee brace. The other girl shifted over, making room for Lexa. Timidly, she sat. 

"My name's Raven," the other girl introduced herself. 

"Lexa," she replied. 

"Clarke tells me you're from Polis," Octavia piped up. "I've always wanted to go. Lincoln promised he would take me one day. Is it nice there?"

Lexa fought back a grimace as she remembered the cold glares of the people she passed on the streets. "The city is nice," she answered carefully. 

"Do you miss it?" Raven asked. 

"No," Lexa answered a little too quickly. 

The other three girls stared at her in surprise. "Not even a little?" Clarke asked. "Not even your family?"

"I miss Anya and Gustus," she admitted. 

"Who are they?" the blonde questioned. 

"My aunt and uncle," Lexa explained. "They pretty much raised me."

"What happened to your parents?" Raven questioned. 

Lexa swallowed hard. "They died when I was young," she said softly. She stared down at the floor. Her hands made fists around Raven's green sheets. 

"I'm so sorry," Clarke replied. "My dad died when I was younger too."

"My mother died giving birth to me," Octavia admitted. 

"I never knew my parents," Raven chimed in. "Just dear old foster mom."

Lexa smiled graciously at her new friends. It was good to be around people who understood her for once. She leaned back and examined the room. A pair of crutches was leaning up against the desk where two laptops were placed. She sighed softly. Everything so far about Arkadia had been like the answer to all her prayers. It seemed almost too good to be true, yet Lexa couldn't help but hope that she'd finally found a place to be safe.


	3. Ontari Ice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long hiatus. My school and work schedule got crazy for a bit. I should be back to writing now.

Clarke awoke early the next morning to find her roommate sitting at the window again, staring sadly at the campus below. Her green eyes were glazed over, and she appeared to be far away. Her arms wrapped themselves around her knees, and her whole body hunched over. Clarke wondered what it was that made her look so sad. Could it be she missed her aunt and uncle? Or perhaps it was related to her parents?

Clarke grunted as sat up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. Today, she planned to show Lexa around the campus, along with Raven and Octavia. It wasn't a particularly large campus, so it wouldn't take long. Clarke also hoped to find an activity that the other girl would enjoy. 

Her mysterious roommate glanced at her in surprise. "You're up early," she said. 

"So are you," Clarke replied. "What's wrong?"

Lexa bit at her lip nervously. "I was just thinking about my parents."

Clarke nodded in understanding. "I was ten. My dad died in a car accident."

Lexa's eyes darkened. "My parents accidentally got caught in a shootout," she admitted. 

Clarke's stomach tightened in horror. She felt as if the breath had been sucked out of her. "I-I'm so s-sorry," she stuttered awkwardly. 

"Polis is a dangerous city," Lexa said. "My parents knew that. Some of the gang from Azgeda was hanging around, and they got into an argument that ended badly."

"That's awful," Clarke whispered. "How old were you?"

"Four," Lexa replied softly. 

"No wonder you wanted a fresh start," Clarke mused. "Echo was from Azgeda. Maybe that's why she was so rough."

Lexa shrugged. "People cannot control where they are born. They can control who it makes them become."

A loud knock from the bathroom door interrupted the girls' conversation. "You almost ready to go?" Octavia asked. 

"Just a minute!" Clarke yelled back. It seemed that she was surrounded by early birds. She pulled her shirt off, not missing the way Lexa blushed and abruptly shifted her gaze. "Sorry," she murmured. "Habit." She dug a clean shirt out from her drawer and pulled it over her head. 

"It's fine," Lexa replied. She faced the wall away from Clarke and took her own shirt off. Her clothes had already been picked out and lay folded on the bed. Clarke tried not to stare at her toned muscles and tattooed arms. She had to admit to herself that her roommate was very attractive. 

Clarke was out as bisexual to all her friends, but she anxiously worried about how her roommate would take it. Echo had made a few tasteless jokes about it, but she was mean to everyone and didn't treat Clarke any differently. Arkadia was a very liberal place, and she worried that her Polis roommate would be disgusted to find out that she shared a room with a girl attracted to girls. 

Clarke shook her head and reminded herself that Lexa had called Nathan and Bryan a cute couple. Lexa had been nothing but nice to Clarke, so she deserved the benefit of the doubt. 

XXX

After a quick breakfast, the four girls walked slowly around the campus grounds, allowing Raven to keep up with them on her crutches. Lexa didn't say much, but the sad look in her eyes faded as Clarke acted as a tour guide. 

Clarke smiled to herself, happy that she could ease Lexa's unhappiness. She had always been the motherly type, and making friends came naturally to her. It was in her nature to want to take care of people, and her new roommate was no different. 

The four students stopped in the courtyard to rest. Raven sat down and stretched her injured leg out across the bench. "Is it bad today?" Octavia asked, concerned. She sat up on the table to look down at her friend. 

Raven nodded. "It's extra stiff today."

"What happened?" Lexa asked curiously. 

"Spine injury," Raven answered. "When I was little, I was playing in the street and got hit by a car. My loving-" her voice dripped with sarcasm "-foster mom wouldn't even take me to the hospital. I had to walk over to Finn's house and get his mom to take me."

Lexa's eyes lit up in disgust. "That's awful!" she exclaimed. "How was she allowed to become a foster parent?"

Raven shrugged her shoulders. "Beats me. All I know is that she was more interested in the money she got from the government than in raising a child. At least I had Finn."

From her perch on the table, Octavia suddenly stiffened. "Don't look behind you," she murmured. "It's Ontari."

Ontari Ice was well known as the campus bully. After being expelled from her previous schools for fighting, she had ended up in Arkadia. Last semester, Clarke's friend John Murphy ended up in a horribly abusive relationship with her. Her knuckles felt sore as she remembered the actions she had taken to protect her friend back then. 

Beside her, Lexa gasped and stiffened. Instinctively, Clarke moved to block her from Ontari's view. She stood close behind Lexa, her hands gently resting on her roommate's arms. "Do you know her?" Clarke asked. 

"Ontari Ice?" Lexa asked for clarification. 

"Yes," Clarke responded. 

"We met when she was studying at Polis. It was not pleasant," she explained. "What is she doing here?"

"She got kicked out of Polis University for fighting," Clarke answered. "Before that, is was Azgeda University."

Raven smirked. "She almost got kicked out of here too. Right Clarke?"

Clarke grit her teeth angrily. "If only collages weren't so quick to turn a blind eye to abusers," she hissed. "I had to fight her myself to keep her away from a friend of mine."

"She's gone," Octavia informed them. 

"Would you like to go back to the dorm?" Clarke asked. 

All Lexa could do was nod.


	4. Panic Attack

Lexa couldn't remember walking back to the room, but somehow she made it back with Clarke. She sat on the floor with her head in her hands and her back to the wall. How could she be so foolish to think that she could outrun her past? And surely Clarke would see how screwed up she was, and a promising friendship would be ruined. 

It's all your fault, her own voice echoed in her mind. You killed Costia. 

FLASHBACK

"We're running late," Costia complained, tugging on her girlfriend's hand. "I don't want another detention."

"So we take the shortcut," Lexa responded. 

Costia pales at the thought. "No. The back alleys are dangerous."

"That's only at night," Lexa reassured her. "Besides, we're running late."

Hesitantly, Costia agreed, and Lexa led the way. The alleys were quiet, which seemed to assure Costia. Lexa had never been afraid of them in the daylight and often used them to get from place to place. She knew them by memory. 

Just as she turned the last corner, the couple came across two other people: a bearded man, and a woman who Lexa recognized as a suspect from her parents' murder. Nia was her name, and she was from the same Azgeda gang that killed her mother and father. Lexa froze in horror, staring at the two in front of her with guns fixed on each other. 

The man stopped to look at them, and Nia didn't hesitate to use the distraction to shoot him. She then turned the gun on the kids and shot before running off. Lexa turned in horror, following the bullet's path straight into Costia's stomach. 

Costia fell, and Lexa held her. She phoned the ambulance, but her girlfriend was dead by the time they arrived. 

PRESENT DAY

She was breathing too fast, but she couldn't get enough oxygen. Her surroundings faded into oblivion, and she could barely make out Clarke's voice, telling her to breathe slower. 

Lexa tried, but she couldn't get control of herself. Her head was dizzy, and she felt as if she was about to pass out. Suddenly, a brown paper bag was pressed up against her mouth. She took it in her hands and held it there, letting it calm her down. 

When she became aware again, she realized that Clarke had wrapped her up in her arms and was holding tightly. Awkwardly, Lexa pulled herself out. Her cheeks flushed bright red as she pushed herself into a standing position. "Thank you," she muttered. 

"You're not the first person I've had to calm from a panic attack," Clarke explained as she stood. "Don't worry about it."

Lexa felt as if she owed her roommate some explanation for her behavior, so she began speaking. "I was a witness to a murder. I'm the one who got Ontari's stepmom executed," she explained, leaving out the key details. "She hates me. She can't know that I'm here."

"It's ok," Clarke said. "I'll get the school board to reopen an old case. I'll get her kicked out."

"You would do that for me?" Lexa asked, a warm feeling settling into her stomach. 

"Of course," Clarke replied. "You're my friend."

Lexa turned away so Clarke wouldn't see her smile. Butterflies fluttered in her belly before dying of dread as Lexa realized what was happening. 

She was falling for her roommate. 

She thought she'd never love anyone again, not after Costia. But Clarke had made her feel accepted and even cared for, and now Lexa couldn't stop herself from wanting to give her heart to the other woman. But she wouldn't. She knew she couldn't ruin there friendship. Besides, Clarke was probably straight, and even if she wasn't, how could anyone love such a broken mess?


	5. Care

The phone rang in Clarke’s hand as she waited with baited breath. She had no idea if Murphy would even be willing to talk about what happened, much less help her. But she had to try. Lexa was her friend, and she needed Clarke. 

She looked over at the brunette girl, still sitting on the floor. Her eyes were glazed over, and a few tear stains trailed down her cheek. In that moment, Clarke couldn’t help but think of her other friend Octavia, and all the times she held her during a panic attack. 

“Hello?” John finally said. 

“Hey John,” Clarke began awkwardly. “Listen, I was wondering if you could help me with something.”

“Sure thing, what is it?” John replied, oblivious to the bomb that Clarke was about to drop on him. Her stomach twisted in guilt as she tried to think of what to say.

“It’s about Ontari,” she said, cringing as she said her name. 

John’s voice suddenly grew cold and guarded. “What about her?”

“You remember my new roommate Lexa, right?” Clarke was beating around the bush, but she was scared to ask John for what she needed.

“Yeah, what about her?” John asked in confusion. 

“She knows Ontari,” she said. “Long story short, they have a bad history, and if Ontari finds out Lexa’s here, she’s going to be in trouble.”

“I see,” John replied, his voice less cold and more concerned. “What do you need me to do?”

“I was hoping we could reopen that case you made against her last year,” Clarke finally said. 

“The rape report,” John said quietly. “We couldn’t get her convicted last semester, and they don’t make rape kits for guys. What makes you think this time will be any different?”

“I don’t know,” Clarke admitted. “But I have to keep Lexa safe. Besides, Ontari needs to be stopped before she can hurt anybody else.”

“I’ll help,” John said. 

“Thank you!” Clarke exclaimed with a huge sigh of relief. 

“I’ll be over in twenty minutes with Bellamy. We can come up with a plan then.”

“See you then,” Clarke said as she hung up. 

She turned back to her roommate. Her eyes were no longer glazed over but watching her roommate in silent awe. Clarke quickly walked into the bathroom, grabbed a rag, and drenched it in cold water. 

She approached her roommate delicately, slowly kneeling in front of her and dabbing at her cheeks with the rag. Lexa said nothing, simply letting it happen. She stood up again and offered her hand to Lexa. “You should lie down.”

Lexa took the offered hand and allowed herself to be led to her bed. The girl with the haunted green eyes laid down gently, sinking into her bed as if she hoped it would swallow her whole. Clarke’s heart ached for the girl in front of her who had been through so much. Clarke couldn’t even imagine how she must be feeling. Slowly, she laid the cold rag over Lexa’s cold eyes and listened to her sigh. She sat down on the edge of the bed and squeezed Lexa’s hand gently. “You’re going to be ok,” she said softly. “I’m gonna take care of you.”


	6. The Plan

It wasn’t long before there was a knock at the door. Lexa removed the rag from her face and sat up. Her stomach was tying itself in knots. Clarke was one thing, but she wasn’t ready to expose herself to these strangers. 

Clarke answered the door, an in walked Bellamy, Murphy, and a girl Lexa didn’t recognize. “This is my friend Emori,” John explained. “She already knows everything.”

“Good,” Clarke said. “We need all the help we can get.”

Lexa bit at her bottom lip nervously. She could still here Ontari’s voice in the back of her head screaming, ‘Stupid dyke!”

“What exactly is the plan?” John asked. He crossed his arms and looked expectantly at Clarke. 

“Last time, we went straight to the Dean,” she began as Lexa listened with morbid curiosity. “That didn’t work. So this time, I’m suggesting that we start at the counseling services. We could use someone with some authority on our side to put pressure on the Dean.”

Murphy nodded thoughtfully. “As much as I hate the idea of telling my story again, I think you have a point.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Emori asked, placing a concerned hand on John’s shoulder. 

“Yeah, nobody’s making you,” Bellamy chimed in. 

Lexa met John’s eyes. She had no idea what went down between him and Ontari, but she could clearly see the pain in his eyes, and it was all her fault for making him talk about it. She felt like a monster. 

“No,” Lexa said suddenly. “You don’t have to do anything for me.”

“I want to,” John said firmly, holding her gaze. “Ontari can’t be allowed to terrorize the entire campus.”

“I’ll set up an appointment for us once school starts,” Bellamy said. “In the mean time, what do we do?”

“We lay low,” Clarke answered. “We keep out of Ontari’s way, and we don’t tell anyone what we’re doing. Not even our friends. You never know who might overhear or have loose lips.”

John Murphy nodded. “Ok. I’ll be ready.”

The trio left Lexa’s dorm, leaving her alone again with her roommate. Clarke sat down on the bed next to her and squeezed her hand. “We’re going to take care of it,” she promised. 

“Why are you all doing this for me?” Lexa asked quietly. Nobody she knew in Polis would have cared. Not even her high school principals cared when Ontari figured out how to leave death threats in her locker. 

“Because you’re our friend,” Clarke replied. 

“But what about them?” Lexa asked. “They barely know me.”

“It’s the right thing to do,” Clarke assured her. “I don’t know what your life was like in Polis, but I’m getting the impression that it wasn’t very good. But you’re not in Polis anymore, and I’m gonna do everything in my power to take care of you.”

Lexa’s eyes began to water at her roommate’s confession. Again, she felt those butterflies stirring in her stomach, but she quieted them down as quick as she could. Just because Clarke was being nice didn’t mean she’d want Lexa in that way. 

And yet, Lexa couldn’t stop herself from fantasizing as she stared at Clarke’s lips, wondering how soft they were. And Clarke’s hands, gently caressing her skin as she whispered in Lexa’s ear. 

Lexa had it bad for Clarke. How had this happened, she wondered. How could she have let her guard down and let the other girl in? A fresh tear fell down her cheek, a mixture of joy and pain. 

Clarke retrieved the rag and dabbed at Lexa’s face again. “How about a movie night with Raven and Octavia to take your mind off of this?” she offered. 

“I’d like that,” Lexa replied with a smile.


	7. Movie Night

The whole thing with Ontari was still buzzing around Clarke’s brain as she lifted the mattress off of Raven’s bed. It was movie night tradition that they set the mattresses on the floor and pushed them together up against the wall. Octavia helped her get the mattresses in position. When finished, Octavia plopped down on Raven’s mattress, and Raven set her crutch aside and sat next to her. Clarke crawled on Octavia’s mattress to sit next to Octavia and motioned for Lexa to sit down next to her. 

The other girl shyly looked down at the empty spot before sitting down and stretching her legs out. Clarke attributed her nervousness to the Ontari situation. Hopefully, a movie night would be just what Lexa needed to get out of her head. Clarke smiled at her roommate, who returned the smile. 

“Ready to watch The Others?” Raven asked, putting the DVD in her laptop. 

“What’s it about?” Lexa asked. 

“Ghosts,” Raven answered. “It’s the perfect combination between creepy and cool.”

Raven started up the movie, and Octavia placed the laptop where all the girls could see it. The lights had been turned off, setting the atmosphere. The movie started, and Clarke felt her heartbeat rise in anticipation. Before coming here, she had never seen any horror movies, but Raven loved them and wasted no time in fixing that. 

As the movie played, Clarke settled into the serenity of that moment. Ontari had been pushed from her mind, and the only thing she was concerned with was spending quality time with her friends. As the movie dragged on, it got creepier, and Clarke felt the adrenaline buzzing through her veins. It wasn’t an unpleasant feeling. She had grown to like the excitement. 

There was a jump scare, and Clarke flinched, grabbed Lexa’s hand, and squeezed. The other girl let out a gasp of surprise. Clarke looked over at her to see her face was bright red. “Sorry,” Clarke whispered, letting go of Lexa’s hand. 

“I-i-it’s fine,” Lexa stuttered, flustered. 

At the next jump scare, Clarke flinched again. This time, Lexa grabbed her hand and squeezed. “It’s okay,” she whispered, still blushing furiously. 

There was something about Lexa’s blush that made Clarke’s stomach flip. Her first instinct was that Lexa had been disgusted by the touch, but that didn’t explain why she was holding her hand now. A minute passed. Neither girl made a move to break the contact. Clarke tried to catch Lexa’s eyes, but they were glued firmly to the computer screen. 

Deciding that she was definitely overthinking the whole thing, Clarke leaned back and simply allowed her hand to be held. Lexa was still blushing, but that could be easily explained by her natural shyness. It was kinda cute, Clarke thought. 

By the time the movie ended, Clarke and Lexa were still holding hands. As Octavia moved to retrieve the computer, Clarke slipped out of the grip, not wanting Lexa to feel more awkward than she already did. 

“That was a good movie, Raven,” Clarke said. “What did you think, Lexa?”

Lexa blushed again and cast her gaze to the floor. “I liked it,” she said softly. 

“Good,” Raven said. “Have you seen many horror movies, Lexa?”

Clarke figured much of Lexa’s life had been like a horror movie, but she said nothing. 

“I haven’t,” Lexa admitted. 

“Well, there’s much more where that came from,” Raven replied with a grin. Using her crutch, she stood up and walked to her desk. She pulled Halloween out from her drawer. “An oldie but goody,” Raven explained. “We’ll watch this one next time.”

Octavia had already managed to lift her mattress back onto the bed frame and get her bed situated. “I dunno about you guys, but I’m exhausted,” she said with a yawn, stretching her arms out above her head. 

“Same,” Clarke replied. “Lexa, can you help me lift Raven’s mattress back onto her bed?”

Lexa agreed, and working together, the two girls were able to quickly get the mattress back onto Raven’s bed frame. Clarke’s hand brushed up against Lexa’s, and she saw the other girl blush again. Clarke hoped she wasn’t making her roommate uncomfortable. She was naturally affectionate, and obviously Lexa wasn’t used to that. 

Clarke didn’t know her full story, but she knew Lexa had lost a lot of people. Perhaps what her roommate needed now was for someone to stay.


	8. Crush

No. NO. Lexa was NOT supposed to be holding hands with her roommate. It didn’t matter that Clarke had initiated it (damn her), or that both girls had enjoyed it. Lexa was heading into dangerous territory that there was no turning back from. 

She wanted to cry. She wanted to run. But all she could do was sit on her bed and stare blankly down at her feet. Her stomach was nauseous. It felt like her anxiety was choking her. 

“You okay?” Clarke asked, sitting next to her on the bed.

“Yeah,” Lexa mumbled. “Just a little freaked out by the movie I guess,” she lied. 

To Lexa’s horror, Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa and hugged her. Lexa sat frozen with fear. “I’m sorry,” Clarke whispered. “We don’t have to watch horror movies.”

That soft, whispering voice made the hair on the back of Lexa’s neck stand up. A shiver ran down her body. Oh god, Clarke was so close. All Lexa wanted to do was close the distance and make those lips hers. 

Luckily, Clarke pulled away before Lexa lost her self-control. Lexa was relieved until Clarke stood and said, “I should change.”

Clarke pulled some clothes out of the drawer and threw them on her bed. With her back to Lexa, she slipped her shirt over her head, revealing her tanned back. She undid the clasp of her bra and slid on a pajama shirt. Then, Clarke undid the button of her jeans, slid them off, and exposed her long legs. She put on a pair of pajama pants, and Lexa quickly looked away so Clarke wouldn’t realize she had been staring. As quickly as she could, Lexa changed into her own pajamas and threw herself onto her bed. She face-planted into her pillow and threw the covers over her head. 

“Lexa?” Clarke asked. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Lexa felt Clarke’s weight pressing down on the mattress again. A gentle hand was placed on Lexa’s back, and she flinched in surprise. She came out from under her covers and looked Clarke in the eye, blushing. “It’s just this whole thing with Ontari,” she said. “It’s got my nerves on edge.” 

“I can imagine,” Clarke said, absentmindedly rubbing Lexa’s back. 

‘I could tell her right now that I love her,’ Lexa thought. ‘But then I’d lose her forever.’

Lexa shivered under Clarke’s touch. It was everything she wanted and everything she couldn’t have. Lexa hadn’t realized how starved for love she had been since Costia’s death, and now here she was, throwing herself at the first person to show her any kindness. It was pathetic. 

A tear leaked out as Lexa ruminated over her feelings for Clarke. “Hey,” Clarke said gently, wiping the tear from her face. “It’ll be okay.”

Lexa knew better. Nothing would ever be okay again. 

She nodded, not in the mood to argue. Between Ontari and Clarke, Lexa was a mess. She began to shake. Honestly, what was happening to her? 

Clarke wrapped her up in her arms and whispered gently in her ear. “You’re having another panic attack. You need to breathe.”

For the next few minutes, all Lexa focused on was breathing. She focused so hard that she didn’t notice when the blonde girl passed out beside her or the oncoming blackness, taking her over and shutting her down.


	9. Niylah

Pale sunlight lit up the room as Clarke opened her sleepy eyes. It took her a moment to process where she was. Somehow, she had been so tired that she had passed out in Lexa’s bed, and the other girl must have been too tired to care. 

She looked over at Lexa. Without her haunted green eyes, her roommate actually looked peaceful. Her face was relaxed and her jaw was slightly open. A light snoring sound filled the room, and Clarke couldn’t help but smile. 

Suddenly, an uneasiness filled Clarke’s stomach as she felt as if she were intruding on a private moment. She quickly climbed out of bed and crossed the room to her own. She needed to clear her head. 

Waking up to Lexa was so different than waking up to Niylah after their one-night stand. It felt like coming home, and that was something that scared Clarke. Her roommate situation last semester had been hell. She couldn’t afford to catch feelings for her new roommate. Not only would it ruin the blossoming friendship, Clarke didn’t think her heart could take the rejection. 

She got changed and quietly left the room for a walk around campus. Was she catching feelings for Lexa? There was no denying that the other girl was attractive. And there was something about her like gravity that pulled Clarke to want to take care of her. 

As she rounded a corner, she almost bumped straight into Niylah. “Clarke!” Niylah exclaimed. “Good to see you.”

“You too,” Clarke replied. After their one-night stand last semester, the two girls had agreed that a relationship between the two of them wouldn’t work, and they remained friends. “Hey, can I talk to you about something?”

“Sure,” Niylah said. “Wanna come back to my dorm? You could meet my new roommate, Luna.”

“Sounds good,” Clarke agreed, and Niylah led the way. 

Once inside Niylah’s room, Clarke saw the other girl pulling her dark, curly hair into a ponytail. “Luna, this is my friend Clarke,” Niylah said. 

Luna looked over at Clarke and smiled brightly. “Nice to meet you,” she greeted. 

“Nice to meet you too.”

“She’s got a date with your friend Nyko,” Niylah replied. 

“That’s awesome,” Clarke responded. 

“Thanks,” Luna replied. “I’ll give you two some privacy.” And with that, she left the room. 

“So, what’s on your mind?” Niylah asked. 

Clarke blushed. “I think I’m catching feelings for my new roommate.”

Niylah whistled. “Wow. I’d love to meet the girl who made Clarke Griffin have feelings.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. Her’s and Niylah’s relationship before had been purely physical attraction. Now, it was based off of mutual respect and friendship. “I don’t know what it is about her, but something about that look in her eyes just makes me want to take care of her.”

“You always did have a protective streak,” Niylah commented. “Lucky for you, I’ve got an idea.”

“What’s that?”

“You set me up with your friend Zoe Monroe, and we make it a double date.” Clarke rolled her eyes again. “I’m serious!” Niylah protested. “You know how hot Zoe is.”

“And how am I supposed to convince Lexa to come with me on a double date? She’s probably straight.”

“Well, now’s the time to find out!” Niylah exclaimed. “Just tell her your friend Niylah needs a wingman and you don’t want to feel like a third wheel. We both win.”

Clarke smiled. Niylah had a way of getting what she wanted. “Alright, I’ll do it.”

“Yes!” Niylah exclaimed as she jumped and hugged Clarke. As Clarke hugged her back, a feeling of anxiety rested in her stomach. She was sure she was setting herself up for failure.


	10. Cruelty

Clarke was gone by the time Lexa awoke, but the side of the bed she had slept on was still warm. Lexa’s stomach wrenched painfully. Falling asleep had been an accident. Had she scared the other girl away?

Lexa sighed and forced herself to get up and get dressed. No matter what, she was determined to keep a straight face today. She refused to let the rejection get to her. 

She headed down to the cafeteria and scanned the room for Clarke. With a sigh of disappointment, she realized the blonde girl wasn’t there. She cast her eyes around for anyone to sit next to, and she saw one girl, sitting in the corner alone. She moved to sit next to the other student. “Hi, I’m Lexa Heda,” she introduced herself. 

“Gina Martin,” the other girl said, holding out her hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“Thank you for letting me sit with you,” Lexa said shyly. She began picking at the breakfast tray she had picked up, not feeling very hungry. 

“Anytime,” Gina said with a smile. “Do you know Bellamy Blake by any chance?”

“Yes, actually,” Lexa responded. “Why?”

“I was just hoping someone could introduce us,” Gina said as she blushed. 

“I’d be happy to,” Lexa replied with a smile. “Let’s go.”

“Oh, right now?” Gina asked. “Does my makeup look okay?”

Lexa laughed gently. “Your makeup is beautiful,” she replied. “Come on, let’s go get your man!”

“Ok!” Gina exclaimed, jumping up to follow Lexa around the cafeteria. She quickly tracked down where Bellamy was sitting by that messy head of black hair. Across him sat John. Lexa slid into the seat next to John, and Gina slid in next to Bellamy. 

“Hey, Lexa,” John greeted her cheerfully. 

“How’re you holding up?” Bellamy asked. 

Clarke disappeared on me and I want to curl up in a hole for the next hundred years. “I’m doing fine,” she said. “This is my friend Gina, by the way.”

“Hi Gina,” Bellamy said. 

“Hi Bellamy,” Gina responded with a blush. 

“How are you holding up, John?” Lexa asked. 

John gave a sad smile. “Nervous. But we’re doing the right thing.”

“Hey!”

Lexa jumped as Clarke’s voice echoed behind her. “Don’t scare me like that!” she protested, but it was good to know Clarke wasn’t avoiding her. 

“Sorry,” Clarke said as she slid into the seat between Lexa and Gina. 

“Where have you been?” Lexa asked, dying with curiosity. 

“I was talking with an old friend,” Clarke explained. “Actually, Lexa, I could use your help.”

“How so?” Lexa asked. 

“Well, my friend Niylah Woods really wants a date with Zoe Monroe,” Clarke said. “And she needs me, her wingman, well, wingwoman I guess. But I don’t want to be a third wheel, so would you mind coming with me?”

“Of course I’ll come,” Lexa replied, not mentioning how it suspiciously sounded like a double date. 

“Great!” Clarke exclaimed. “Let’s go talk to Zoe now.”

“Ok,” Lexa replied, getting up. “I’ll see you later, Gina.”

Gina winked at Lexa as she walked away with her roommate. “Listen,” Lexa began cautiously. “About last night.”

“It was an accident,” Clarke promised her. “It won’t happen again.”

“Right,” Lexa responded, hoping to keep the bitter disappointment out of her voice. 

“Hey, Zoe!” Clarke called out, crossing the room to where Zoe, Harper, and Fox were sitting together. 

Zoe looked up as the two approached them and sat down. “What’s up?” she asked, scrambled egg falling out of her mouth. 

“What if I told you I got you a date,” Clarke began. 

Zoe groaned. “Not again, Clarke,” she protested. “The last one was a disaster.”

“Hey, Lexa and I will be there the whole time. This one’s gonna be different,” Clarke explained. 

“Oh, so a double date?” Zoe asked. 

Lexa blushed furiously. Clarke glance awkwardly over at her, equally as red. “Uh...” Clarke said. “Yeah.”

Lexa blushed even harder. A double date with Clarke? This seemed too good to be true. Which meant it must be. She tried not to cry as she imagined the future rejection. It was going to sting bad. 

“Ok,” Zoe said. “Then I’ll go.” 

“Thanks,” Clarke said. “I’ll text you when and where.”

Unable to hold back her tears any longer, Lexa made her escape. She ran down the hallways to the library, hid in a corner, and sobbed. 

Good things like Clarke didn’t happen to people like her. Not after she had gotten Costia killed. Besides, Clarke was way out of her league, even if she did like girls. This double date was nothing but a cruel tease; a glimpse of what she couldn’t have. How did she get herself into this situation? Because Clarke had asked with those pretty blue eyes, and Lexa couldn’t say no.


	11. All In

Clarke had to admit it stung that Lexa had fled the moment she’d called it a double date. Clarke hadn’t been planning on making a move on her, more like just observing her interest. And apparently, Lexa had zero interest in dating Clarke and was embarrassed to have people think so. 

She walked back to her dorm room alone, feeling glum. She held no ill feelings towards Lexa. After all, it wasn’t her fault if the girl was straight and had no feelings for Clarke. At least she was helping Niylah. That thought comforted her. 

Clarke hoped Lexa would be in the room so they could talk, but when she arrived, the room was empty. She sighed and moved to her dresser. She took her hair out of its bun and began to brush it. 

She was almost finished when Lexa walked in. “Oh good, you’re here,” Clarke said. “I was hoping to talk to you.”

“What about?” Lexa asked, casually sitting on her bed.”

“This whole double date thing,” Clarke responded. 

“Oh,” Lexa replied, growing very red. 

“Zoe got ahead of herself,” Clarke explained, ignoring the bitter disappointment she felt in her gut. “I’m not asking you out or anything, I just wanna help Niylah out. And I thought it could be something fun to do to take your mind of Ontari.”

“I understand,” Lexa replied softly. 

Clarke set her brush down and turned to face her roommate. What she was about to say died on her lips at the sight of Lexa’s bloodshot eyes. “Have you been crying?” she asked. 

“What?” Lexa asked. “Oh, uh, yeah,” she admitted, wiping at her eyes with her hand. “I, uh, saw Ontari and had another panic attack.”

Clarke sat down next to Lexa and pulled her into a hug. The other girl buried her head in Clarke’s shoulder and just cried. “It’s ok,” Clarke whispered soothingly, running her hand up and down her back. “We’re gonna get that bitch.”

“You promise?” Lexa asked. 

“I promise,” Clarke answered. 

Being so close to her roommate, Clarke felt sad again that Lexa had shown no interest in going out with her. But Clarke was already passed the point of keeping Lexa at arm’s length. She felt like she and Lexa had a special bond, and there was no going back on that now. 

There was a knock on the door, and Clarke got up to answer it. She was surprised to see Bellamy, John, and Emori standing in her doorway. She quickly ushered them in and had them sit on her bed. She moved back to sit next to Lexa before asking, “What’s up?”

“School starts tomorrow,” John said. “So we need to get our plan in order.”

“Ok,” Clarke agreed. “John, how much do you think we need to tell the counselor?”

“Everything,” John replied quietly. 

“Excuse me?” Emori asked. “I thought you were helping Lexa, not reliving your trauma.”

“She’s right,” Clarke said. “We probably don’t have to tell the counselor all the gory details.”

“Won’t it be therapeutic?” John asked sarcastically. 

Clarke fixed a glare at him. “This is a serious matter,” she huffed. 

“I know,” John said seriously. “And I don’t want Ontari to be able to hurt anyone again ever again.”

“You sure about this man?” Bellamy asked. 

“Positive,” John said. “And Lexa, are you willing to share your past history with Ontari?”

“I am if you are,” Lexa replied. “Like you said, she has to be stopped.”

Clarke could feel a sudden tension in Lexa’s body. It was easy to guess the other girl didn’t want to go into detail about her experience with Ontari. Clarke rubbed her back comfortingly. 

“With the counselor putting pressure on the Dean, that should be enough to get her kicked out,” Bellamy said. “But if it’s not?”

“Then we go public,” John said decisively. 

“Woah, are you sure?” Clarke asked, surprised. 

“Lexa, you don’t have to take part in this. But I’m ready to tell the whole school my story if I have to and petition for her removal,” John said, staring at Lexa. 

“I’m all in,” Lexa responded. “Let’s get this bitch out of our school.”


	12. The Counselor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter contains trigger warning for r*pe

Lexa slung her schoolbag over her shoulder as she walked out of her last class of the day. All in all, it had been a pretty good day, and she had recognized some of Clarke’s friends in her classes. Clarke was even in her math class. It was so different than Polis University. There, she had to walk with her head down and hope trouble didn’t find her. Here, she was accepted, wanted even. Clarke’s friends were all so friendly. And that is why she couldn’t let her feelings for Clarke get in the way of their friendship. 

Now, her nerves were acting up as she headed towards the counselor’s office. She reminded herself that it wasn’t just about her to keep herself from chickening out. Ontari had hurt John, and she would keep hurting people unless she stood up to her. 

The counselor’s office came into sight, and Lexa had to force herself to keep walking. Her hands shook beside her, and her heart rate started to increase. She wasn’t ready for this, but she knew she would never be. She had to do this now. 

Clarke, John, Bellamy, and Emori were already standing just outside the office, just waiting for her to join them. Clarke looked up, noticed Lexa, and dropped her bag. She ran up to Lexa to give her a hug. “Are you ready?” she asked quietly. 

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Lexa responded. 

“Let’s do this,” Clarke said. 

Clarke’s hand stayed on Lexa’s shoulder as they entered the office. A dark-skinned woman was sitting behind a desk. “Can I help you?” she asked. 

“We’re looking for the counselor,” Clarke said with confidence that Lexa knew she couldn’t muster. Already, it felt like a brick wall was inside her throat. 

“That would be me,” the woman replied. “My name is Shannon. How may I help you?”

“We have a grievance,” Clarke replied. “Well, two really. But they’re related.”

Shannon nodded. “You should come back with me.”

The crew followed Shannon to her back office. There were only three chairs; one behind the desk and two in front. Shannon took her place behind the desk. “Lexa, John,” Clarke said. “You two should sit.”

Lexa nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat. She sat down next to John and stared at the ground. Her stomach ached inside her. 

“So, what’s going on?” Shannon asked. 

John started. “I’d like to reopen a rape report from last semester,” he said with as much confidence as he could muster. 

“Alright,” Shannon replied. “Who’s the victim?”

John hesitated for a minute. “Me,” he finally said. 

Shannon looked up at him in surprise. “What’s your name?” she asked. 

“John Murphy.”

“Alright, I see your report here,” Shannon said. “It’s missing a lot of details.”

“I’m ready to answer any blanks you have,” John said, his voice starting to shake. Lexa reached out and squeezed his hand. 

“Tell me what happened,” Shannon instructed. 

John swallowed hard. “She drugged my drink,” he began. “I noticed my drink had suddenly become really salty, but I was too drunk to care. I started feeling blurry, so Ontari took me back to her room.” John paused. “I was too dizzy to move. She pushed me down onto her bed, took my pants off, and forced herself on me.”

“Thank you for sharing,” Shannon replied, typing John’s story onto her computer. “What was the second grievance?” 

“Ontari used to beat me,” Lexa admitted. “Back when we both went to Polis University, she would get her friends to gang up on me and beat me. She also threatened me multiple times.”

“Alright,” Shannon said. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thank you,” Clarke said. “We took John’s rape report to the Dean last semester, but he did nothing.”

The small crew was escorted out of Shannon’s office, and Lexa could finally breathe a sigh of relief. “I’m so glad that’s over,” she said. 

Clarke hugged her again. “You were so brave,” she said, and Lexa’s heart fluttered. 

“Thank you,” Lexa said. “Can we just go back to the room or something?”

“Of course,” Clarke replied. “How about another movie night with Raven and Octavia?”

“That sounds really nice,” Lexa said. She just hoped she could keep her feelings in check.


	13. Confident

While Octavia and Raven were setting up the room for their next movie night, Clarke kept a close eye on Lexa, who stood awkwardly in the corner. She had done a good job earlier opening up in front of everyone, and yet she seemed to be pulling away from Clarke. There could be many reasons. The fear of rejection was one of them, and so was the fear of Clarke having romantic feelings for her. Tonight, Clarke was determined to put both fears to rest. She was gonna be there for Lexa, but she wasn’t going to make any unwanted advances. 

“What movie would you like to watch, Lexa?” Raven asked, scrolling through her drawer of movies. 

“I’d like that horror movie you showed me last time,” Lexa responded timidly. 

Clarke looked at her in surprise. She had thought the other girl would want to relax. 

Raven grinned and pulled out Halloween. “I knew you were cool,” she said. 

“You sure, Lexa?” Clarke asked. “You don’t have to be into horror to get Raven’s approval.”

“Yeah, Raven will watch anything,” Octavia agreed. 

Lexa blushed. “I’m sure.”

Clarke eyed her suspiciously. She took her spot on the mattress while Octavia set up the laptop. Lexa shyly sat next to her, still blushing furiously. “What’s wrong?” Clarke asked. 

“Nothing,” Lexa whispered. “I just hope you won’t think any less of me because of what you heard today.”

“Seriously?” Clarke asked. “If anything, I think more of you for having gone through that and coming out on the other side kind.” 

Those green eyes filled with emotion, and Clarke’s insides melted. The lights were turned off, and it took all of Clarke’s willpower not to lean forwards and just kiss her. Those lips were all she could focus on. She licked her own, imagining what they would feel like mashed together. 

Lexa blushed harder under the stare, and Clarke looked away, blushing herself. She was letting her emotions get out of control. It wasn’t like her to fall so hard for somebody so fast. And yet here she was, stuck in a hopeless situation. 

As the movie started, she felt Lexa’s arm brush up against hers and stay. Clarke stiffened, unsure of what to do. She thought Lexa had been pulling away, but now it was like she was testing the boundaries. 

Clarke leaned in, noticing that Lexa didn’t pull away. Goose bumps traveled up her arms. Lexa’s skin was so soft. And her perfume nestled in Clarke’s nose. Clarke couldn’t focus on the movie with Lexa right next to her. It was too much. She had to get away. 

The first murder happened suddenly on screen, and Clarke flinched hard, raising her hand to her mouth to muffle her scream. She hadn’t been paying any attention, and the gory sight had scared her pretty badly. Her heart started racing in her chest. 

Lexa grabbed her other hand and squeezed it. “It’s ok,” she whispered. 

Clarke looked over at Lexa’s gentle face and felt her insides begin to melt all over again. Lexa’s brow furrowed with concern. “Are you feeling alright?”

Clarke blushed and nodded, turning back towards the screen. It hadn’t escaped her notice that Lexa was still holding her hand. Clarke’s stomach twisted inside her. Lexa really was pushing the boundaries of their relationship, and it was time to push back. 

With no thought to what she was doing, Clarke rested her head on Lexa’s shoulder. To her surprise, Lexa leaned back. Clarke inhaled the scent of her perfume, breathing in every bit of Lexa she could. Her eyelids grew heavy, and she found herself nodding off on Lexa’s shoulder. 

It wasn’t until Lexa was shaking her awake that Clarke realized she had fallen asleep. “Clarke, wake up,” Lexa gently murmured. “Octavia needs her mattress back.”

Clarke jumped backwards in shock, stumbling over herself. Her face grew red as she stared at Lexa in horror, but there was only gentle amusement on the other girl’s face. “Are you sure you’re feeling alright?” Lexa asked. 

“Yeah,” Clarke responded breathlessly. Was the other girl teasing her, or did she really not know the effect she had on her? Lexa was becoming more and more puzzling as Clarke got to know her.

“We should probably return to our own dorm,” Lexa prompted. 

“Right,” Clarke agreed as she struggled to stand. Lexa held out her hand to help Clarke stand, which she took. Her whole mind felt unscrambled, and she couldn’t figure out the sudden change in Lexa’s behavior. Suddenly, the shy girl was acting confident, and if Clarke wasn’t mistaken, flirtatious. 

Once they were back in their room, Lexa closed the door and eyed Clarke with a look she couldn’t recognize. “I met Niylah today,” Lexa informed her. 

Crap. “Oh,” Clarke said, trying to sound casual. “Where at?”

“When I went to the library,” Lexa answered. “That’s the girl we’re going out with, right?”

Clarke swallowed hard. “Yeah,” she answered. “Niylah’s an old friend of mine.”

“Sounds like you were more than friends,” Lexa replied with a grin. 

“Just tell me what Niylah told you,” Clarke said, feeling like she was going to evaporate under Lexa’s gaze.

“Not much,” Lexa answered. “Just that you are a little more excited for our ‘date’ than you’re letting on.”

Clarke sighed. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable,” she admitted. So that was where her sudden burst of confidence was coming from. 

“Clarke, there’s nothing wrong with four girls going on a double date,” Lexa said with a smile. 

“Niylah told you that I’m into girls, didn’t she?” Clarke accused. “And now you’re playing with me? Is that what this is?”

Lexa rolled her eyes and walked over to Clarke. “You are so dense,” she said before pulling her in for a kiss.


	14. Vengeful Spirit

FLASHBACK

Lexa scanned the library shelves, looking for books on political science. She was eager to get started learning as much as she could. For so long, schoolwork had been her escape from the bullying and the trauma, and from that her passion for political science had stemmed. She was so wrapped up with her new books that as she turned, she ran straight into another blonde girl. 

“Crap,” Lexa muttered. “I am so sorry.” While Lexa had managed to hold on to her own books, the other girl’s books were all over the floor. She bent down to help the stranger pick them up. 

“No worries,” she replied. “I wasn’t watching where I was going.” Lexa finished helping her grab her books. “I’m Niylah, by the way.”

Lexa looked at her in surprise. “Oh!” she exclaimed. “I’m, uh, I’m Lexa.”

A sly smile came over Niylah’s face. “Oh, so you’re Lexa,” she said. She eyed Lexa up and down. “I can see why she likes you.”

Lexa blushed furiously. “Uh, yeah, we’re good friends.”

Niylah’s smile grew. “Mmm, I’ll bet,” she said. “You know, Clarke and I once had a very intimate relationship. Too bad it didn’t work out.”

Lexa’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Wait, what do you mean?”

“Oh, one-night stands and the like,” Niylah said casually. 

Suddenly, the puzzle pieces clicked in place. Clarke was into girls, the same Clarke who had wanted to go on a double date with Niylah. Clarke who got flushed in her presence. 

Did that mean Lexa’s feelings were returned? Well, there was one way to find out. 

PRESENT

All her not-so-subtle tests had paid off, and she had gotten all the confirmation she needed from Clarke. With all her courage, she crossed the room and pulled her roommate in for a kiss. It was soft and gentle, just like Clarke was. Clarke responded, pressing her lips slowly against Lexa’s. 

Regretfully, Lexa pulled away to look Clarke in the eyes. “You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that,” she said breathlessly. 

“I...” Clarke began. “I didn’t think you liked girls. I thought-“

Lexa pulled her in for another kiss, silencing all her fears. Clarke wrapped her arms around her. It was clear that she had been wanting this too by the way she held on tightly. 

Suddenly, Costia’s lifeless face filled her mind, and she stumbled backwards, gasping. Clarke reached out to steady her, her eyes filled with concern. “Are you alright?” she asked. 

“Yeah,” Lexa lied. “Just got a sharp pain in my stomach.”

Clarke’s brow furrowed. “Do we need to get you to the nurse?” she asked with worry. 

“No, no,” Lexa assured her. “It’s just menstrual cramps.”

“Ah,” Clarke said with a nod, looking relieved. “Well, I’ve got some Advil. Do you want some?”

“That’d be nice,” Lexa said, playing the part. She even rubbed her side to keep up the lie. It was necessary. She finally had Clarke. She couldn’t let the other girl see how broken she was now. 

Clarke gently put two pills in her hand, and Lexa swallowed them with a bottle of water. “Thanks,” she said, smiling. But it was fake. She knew no amount of Advil could take away the trauma she continued to face every day. Her past never seemed to leave her alone. Costia hung over her like a vengeful spirit, and Lexa couldn’t blame her if she was. After all, she was the reason Costia was killed. 

“So, uh, what does this mean for us?” Clarke asked nervously. 

Lexa shoved Costia to the back of her mind. “Well, we’re obviously into each other,” she said. “And we’ve already got a date planned.”

Clarke smiled. “So glad Niylah talked me into this,” she said with a laugh. “I never thought we’d end up here though.”

“Me either,” Lexa replied. “But hey, this can only be a good thing, right?”

“Right,” Clarke agreed. 

Lexa’s stomach was in knots. She didn’t know how long she could keep up the charade of being okay.


	15. Octavia

A loud scream startled Clarke awake in the middle of the night. She jumped to her feet in an instant. This wasn’t the first time, so she knew exactly what was going on. She glanced over at Lexa who was sitting up in bed, eyes wide with terror. “It’s okay,” Clarke reassured her. “We’re safe.”

Lexa nodded then hopped out of bed, clearly intending to follow Clarke. The blonde girl quickly made her way through the bathroom and into Raven and Octavia’s dorm. The latter was sitting up in bed crying and holding herself while Raven was at her side, whispering soothing words to her. Clarke wasted no time in jumping to the other side of the panicked girl and wrapping her arm around her shoulder. “You’re safe, Octavia,” she said gently. 

“Don’t put me back in the closet!” Octavia screamed. 

“Listen to me,” Clarke said softly but firmly. “You are at Arkadia University. There are no closets here.”

“But... but,” Octavia stuttered. “My grandma! She’s coming for me!”

“She’s not here,” Clarke assured her. “She’s never gonna touch you again.”

Octavia nodded. She put a hand over her mouth, but she couldn’t stop her crying. “It’s okay,” Raven whispered, still rubbing her arm. “Just let it all out.”

“Where’s your phone?” Clarke asked. 

Octavia pointed to her bedside table. Clarke got up and picked the phone up. She dialed Lincoln’s number and waited for him to answer. “Is it happening again?” he asked in a sleepy voice. 

“Yeah,” Clarke said. “Can you get down here?”

“Yeah, of course,” Lincoln responded. “I’ll be there in a minute.” And with that, he hung up. 

Her roommate was suddenly by her side. “What can I do to help?” she asked. 

“Get a wet rag,” Clarke instructed. Lexa nodded and ran into the bathroom. It wasn’t long before she returned, wet rag in hand. Clarke expected Lexa to give it to her, but instead, Lexa approached Octavia and copied the actions Clarke had performed on her during her own panic attack. 

“Lay down,” Lexa instructed gently. Octavia, who was visibly calmer, simply nodded and obeyed. Lexa laid the wet rag across her forehead and began softly stroking her hair. “It’s okay,” she whispered reassuringly. “Lincoln is coming.”

Octavia whimpered in response. Clarke watched Lexa with interest. She wondered, had she done this before, or had she learned from Clarke? Or perhaps it just came naturally. Her roommate continued to surprise her, and her heart swelled with love as she watched Lexa care for her friend. 

The emotion startled her. Did she love Lexa? She certainly cared for her deeply, and she was definitely infatuated with her. But love? Clarke told herself that it was too early to tell and that she was only setting herself up for heartbreak if she fell too fast, so she pushed the emotion back down. 

Lincoln walked into the room without knocking. Wordlessly, he approached Octavia and took her into his arms. Raven and Lexa backed away, letting Lincoln hold and comfort her. Octavia visibly relaxed in his embrace, and Clarke felt a rush of relief sweep through her. “Come on, guys,” she said. “Let’s give the two of them some privacy.”

Lexa and Raven followed Clarke through the bathroom and back into her own dorm. Last semester, whenever this happened Echo would bitch and moan while Raven shared Clarke’s bed, which Clarke knew was uncomfortable for the other girl because of her leg, so this time, Clarke had another idea. “Hey Raven, why don’t you take my bed? I can share with Lexa.”

Raven smiled with relief. “Thanks, Clarke. You know how my leg is,” she replied. 

“Yeah,” Clarke said with a nervous smile as she turned to see Lexa’s reaction. To her relief, her roommate was desperately trying to hide a smirk behind her hands. Clarke just smiled at her. The two were so infatuated with each other that it was amazing they hadn’t gotten together sooner. 

Clarke paused as she reached Lexa’s bed. Were they together? They had kissed, sure, and they had a date planned, but Clarke was worried it was a bit presumptuous to assume they were together. 

She pushed the thought from her mind, deciding it was a problem for another day as she crawled onto Lexa’s bed towards the wall. The other girl didn’t even hesitate climbing in and pulling the covers over them. 

Clarke settled on her side, facing Lexa. To her surprise, her roommate backed up against her, snuggling her head under Clarke’s chin. Clarke felt her pulse quicken, and she held her breath for a moment. Lexa’s hair smelled faintly of peaches, which Clarke found to be oddly comforting. Hesitantly, she placed her arm over Lexa’s side, wondering if it was okay. As Clarke settled, the other girl sighed in contentment. A warm feeling rose through her entire body, unlike anything she had ever felt before. 

Deciding not to overthink it, Clarke sighed and closed her eyes, allowing sleep to take hold of her.


End file.
